


I Carry Them With Me

by Alexgalaxies



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: (half-naked), Curiosity, F/F, Fluff, Gallifreyan Language (Doctor Who), Kissing, Love Confessions, Naked Cuddling, Napping, Tattoos, Team TARDIS (mentioned), The Doctor opens up about something!, Well trying to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:25:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23340124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexgalaxies/pseuds/Alexgalaxies
Summary: Sometimes Yaz joins the Doctor in her bedroom. Sometimes they just need someone.The Doctor is tired and very much needs a nap. She is resting when Yaz finally asks a question about her secret. She has tattoos!
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	I Carry Them With Me

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely love the idea of the Doctor with tattoos!! Gallifreyan tattoos! Tattoos in general!

It had been yet another long day for the TARDIS team. They all retired to their rooms quite early, or at least it felt early, they had no idea the time; they just knew their circadian rhythms said it was time for rest. Even the Doctor was tired, which was weird considering her last sleep hadn’t been that long ago. Or maybe it had been, she didn’t really know these days. It was the toll of her emotional roller coaster. New realizations and information being given to her in what was such a short period of time. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had her Fam to be there for her and that was enough.

The Doctor’s bedroom was large, it had bookcases on the walls and a messy desk off to the side. There were books with bookmarks and papers with circular symbols scrawled on them. The mess contained writings from her past faces and all sorts of stories, even some notes given to her by companions. Little reminders of where she’s been, not that she needed them, it was just nice to reminisce.

The Doctor laid in bed. She was face down on the mattress with her arms holding the pillow in place for her head. Her red bedspread was splayed over her lower body. Her body was naturally cooler so she had a spare blanket lying awkwardly on the side of the bed just in case. This was a rare moment when the Doctor was tired and actually rested. 

Yaz was sitting up next to her. She was facing the Doctor who’s face was away from her and the light. She felt honored to be a part of a moment like this. She took in the gold design over the blanket. Her eyes traveled up the Doctor’s form. She found a beautiful design on the Doctor’s skin and felt compelled to touch it. The Doctor didn’t seem to mind, it was a welcome form of contact. Yaz traced the circles lazily. They were spread over the Doctor’s back, bare before her, certain ones speckled across her back and others more linear, all still branching from each other, but defined as individuals. Some even spilled over the Doctor’s shoulders. They each seemed to spell something... maybe that was why she always wore an undershirt. 

Yaz wondered how many times she had seen them and not asked about them? Always too caught up in the moment she supposed.

After a while of tracing the smooth lines and feeling the skin over the expanse of the Doctor’s back, her curiosity got the better of her. “Doctor? When did you get these?” She tilted her head looking at the circles more intently. A brief thought entered her head. _Why doesn’t the TARDIS translate?_ “Or did you regenerate with them?”

The Doctor answered quicker than expected, Yaz hadn’t even really expected a response. She expected the Doctor to at least be dozing, or just to ignore the questioning since she was so tired. “No, don’t think I could regenerate with tattoos,” She gave no further explanation. The Doctor cocked an eyebrow. The wheels in her head turned. 

Yaz could feel her thinking. She repeated her question. “When did you get them?” Since the Doctor was awake, there was no harm in asking her.

The Doctor shifted her weight. She rested on her elbows, chest still flesh to the mattress. “Oh, right, sorry” The blonde shook her head. She bundled some of a blanket under her head to prop it up. Once she got comfy she continued. “Oh uhm sometime after I met you guys, soon after I dropped you guys at home one of the first times,” She was facing Yaz with her eyes still closed. Her mind still foggy from her exhaustion she spoke. “I wanted them closer to me,” 

The answer confused Yaz. _What was so special about circles?_ It felt like an impulse tattoo, like something someone gets with an arbitrary meaning or even dozens of meanings that someone convinces themselves has a really deep psychological meaning. “Well, I think a tattoo of circles is pretty close huh?” She laughed.

Yaz didn’t get it.

The Doctor opened her eyes. She looked up at Yaz with piercing hazel eyes. “Yaz, it’s circular Gallifreyan. It’s the language of my people,” She emphasized her words to show that the tattoo really _meant_ something.

Yaz slackened her shoulders. She suddenly felt guilty. “Oh,” the realization hit her. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“ She removed her hand from the Doctor’s back.

“Not your fault,” The Doctor cut her off. She shook her head softly. “I never told you,” She shrugged, closing her eyes again.

Yaz fumbled with her fingers. “I figured they were symbols for something but they kinda blended into the background since we always step over them in the console room,” She shrugged wondering why she had never asked about those ones before. Had she really been so unobservant? Or was it that she never cared enough to ask? Neither option was appealing to her. Her mind spun with self-doubt about her inconsideration...

The Doctor stayed silent. A part of her wanted Yaz to ask more, but another part of her didn’t want to have a conversation about this right now.

Yaz snapped out of her spiral of thoughts. “What are they?” She finally asked.

The Doctor answered her question simply, but the words meant so much more. “They’re names, of people I have loved, people I have lost,”

Yaz finally got it, she got why, she understood the sheer weight of what had just been revealed to her. She nodded urging the Doctor to continue, hoping she would feel the movement or just continue because she hadn’t said anything.

“I carry them with me,” The Doctor repeated her earlier statement.

“Does it help?” Yaz tilted her head, she wondered why the TARDIS hadn’t translated it for her. “With the loss, I mean?”

The Doctor’s voice was soft, it had a tinge of sadness but she masked it the best she could. “I think so yeah, they’re always there, permanent to me-” She stopped. “At least this me,” She corrected. “Well me all the time but this body,” she continued to stammer.

Yaz reached out to touch the tattoos again. “Did it hurt?” She allowed herself to trace them once more, even softer this time.

“No,” she shook her head. “My pain tolerance is pretty high,” She shivered under the light touch of Yaz’s fingers.

That was a statement not meant to be dwelled upon but Yaz couldn’t help herself blush. “Do you know which is which?” She forced different thoughts into her mind.

The Doctor scoffed lightly. “Of course, I designed the tattoo,” She smiled.

Yaz touched one with a specific intent in mind. “Who is this one?”

As Yaz traced it the Doctor spoke “That one is my wife, River,” The tracing was probably a dead giveaway but even if Yaz hadn’t been tracing it, she would’ve known whose name it was, she could’ve told you exactly who and where each one was placed.

Yaz’s fingers lingered for a second longer. The Doctor hadn’t talked about River much but she had enough for Yaz to know she had lost her a long time ago. Her hand moved to another one. 

“Susan, my granddaughter,” Yaz continued on, picking a certain set to trace, and the Doctor obliged in telling her which names belonged to each person. “Rose, Donna, Clara, Bill, Martha, Amy...” The Doctor gave brief explanations of who each person was to her. They went on until only a few more were left. 

Yaz paused, picking one that she felt particularly drawn to. “This one?” She traced the circles carefully, stopping at the specific points.

The Doctor paused. She considered answering or lying about it. She realized she spent too long thinking about it and felt Yaz’s worry growing. 

Yaz’s mind spun, had she asked too many questions, pried too much. Was the Doctor gonna shut her out again?

The Doctor quickly settled on an answer. She wanted to ease Yaz’s concern. “That one,” she began. “Says, Yasmin,” a soft smile bestowed itself on the Doctor’s face.

Yaz blushed. Her feelings turned into ones of conflict at the implications of the Doctor’s tattoos. Yaz’s eyebrows turned inward. “But Doctor, I’m not-“

The Doctor turned over quickly, fully facing Yaz. She wanted to reassure Yaz before it became a problem. “I said it was people I have loved,” She looked up at Yaz with the softest expression Yaz had ever seen from her. “I got a few of them a little later on,” she brushed the hair from Yaz’s cheek behind her ear. She rested her hand on Yaz’s cheek. “After we became a ‘Fam’ after,” She paused. “Us,”

“Doctor?” The Doctor’s head perked up at the question, she bit her lip waiting for what was next, “I really mean that much to you? I mean that much to be on there?”

The Doctor took hold of one of Yaz’s hands.“Yasmin Khan, you mean that much to me to be here,” She placed the hand in the center of her chest. Yaz felt the dual beats and understood. “That’s why you’re on here,” Her eyes flicked towards her back. The Doctor raised Yaz’s hand to her lips, she pressed a soft kiss to even softer skin.

Yaz held eye contact with the Doctor. Her heart swelled with many different emotions. One of which she knew for sure. “I love you,” She searched between the two hazel eyes for something she wasn’t quite sure of.

“I love you too, Yasmin,” There was a glint in her eyes. She looked at Yaz like she placed the stars in the sky herself. Normally it was Yaz looking at her like that, but the Doctor loved her just as much back.

There it was, that was what she was looking for. Yaz dipped her head down and planted a kiss upon the Doctor’s lips. It was a welcome sensation, as their lips moved together Yaz adjusted her arrangement so that she was laying down with the Doctor. She was laid over her. It turned into soft lazy kisses. Yaz had to be the one to stop them. Ignoring the Doctor's pout she kissed the Doctor’s shoulder before placing her head there. She cuddled against the Doctor and urged her to go back to resting. They laid in comfortable silence until the Doctor finally fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
